These presents could not be any more perfect for me! Haha thank you Fishflop ;) (Taken with instagram)
I want you to climb into my bed and give me a cuddle. I want to lie across you and have your arms around me. I want to just be able to look up and kiss you whenever I feel like it.
I want to be able to sit up and watch films with you night after night. I want to be able to cook us dinner - regardless of it being the same meal over and over. I want to watch awful reality TV with you and laugh at the people. I want to play on our game and FINALLY finish it because we really need to! I want to make you cups of tea and hot chocolates with fluff on the top. I want to be able to make you a bacon sandwich in the morning. I want to have our stupid disagreements about books and cars and ridiculous things to end up making up and laughing about it. I want you to pick me up and carry me around no matter how much I beg you to put me down because I’m too heavy. I want to lie across you and have you play with my hair, stroke my leg or arm, hold my hand really tight and kiss me on the head. I want to have our weirdly in depth conversations about the future and get excited about it. I want to talk about personal things. I want to talk about when we met and all of the funny things that happened. I want to reminisce about how obvious it was that we liked each other to everyone BUT ourselves. I want to talk about the nights we spent at Sam’s curled up on the sofa watching childhood programmes while everyone else slept. I want to remember how and when I fell in love with you and you fell in love with me. I want you to hold me when I cry and let me bury my head in your shoulder. I want you to tell me I’m being a twat when I cry about stupid things so I’ll laugh. I want you to tell me everything will be okay and that you’re there for me when I cry about the most understandable things. I want you to wipe those tears away and say cute things that’ll make me smile. I want you to be proud of me. I want to MAKE you proud. I want to be perfect for you in every way possible. I want to forget all of the horrible things we’ve said and done and forget all of the horrible time we’ve had. I want things to be okay, not just now, but completely. I want things to stay like this. I want to be with you and not anybody else in the world.
I want you here. I want you next to me. I want to give you your goodnight kiss and fall asleep with my head on your chest and your arms wrapped around me tight. There is nothing else I want more right now. Just you.
Looking through notes from today’s session. It scares me to think I sat in front of a stranger today and told her this. It’s like I just spoke my every thought. I’ve never done that :(
Wondering if I’ll actually hear from you on my birthday :/ horrible feeling. Ugh.
just had my first counselling session. it was weird. and I felt quite awkward talking that openly to someone about how I felt and what I was thinking, and about dad as well. talked about Josh, Dan and Lauren a little. told her how spending time with those three in particular is what keeps my mind off things, she told me to spend time with them more as I kept mentioning them she said “it seems like they have a big impact on how you’re feeling” - forgot to mention that Josh is in Spain and Lauren doesn’t live here anymore, so it’s not quite that easy, but that’s not the point. she asked me about Josh a little, about our relationship and how I felt with it, which again was weird openly talking about my relationship. I know I talk about him on here, but it’s never anything in depth, it’s just the odd “I miss him” “come home :(” laadeedaa. so, yeah it was just weird. kept getting upset whenever dad was mentioned, got upset when I mentioned falling out with Josh, got upset when she was asking me about the thoughts I’ve been having. basically should have just cried through the whole thing.
all in all, it wasn’t as bad as I expected. it was just a little unusual to open up so much.
